So Insecure
by Stratagem
Summary: Alec finds Jondy suffering from a run-in with an old enemy: the shakes. She's out of tryptophan, and it's up to Alec to find some more before...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel or any of the recognizable characters or places. So no owning Jondy or Alec, though that'd be fun! ^_^ Season Two would've been very different, though... ^_~

A/N: Set a few days after "Two."

So Insecure

_I can't seem to find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence)  
(I'm convinced that there's)  
(Just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before so insecure _

-"Crawling" by Linkin Park

The hundred bucks in Alec's pocket, hard won by hustling pool at Crash, had a grin beaming off his face as he let himself into the apartment. If he kept this up, he could head down to Sector 9 and see if there was anything good to push.

There was an Ordinary in that part of town, Isaiah, who kept his finger on the Pulse of the underground markets in the city, and he had been good about giving Alec solid information after the transgenic had helped him out of a scrape involving five pissed-off Canadians who had an issue with the black-market guru who had given them bad prices for some six hundred odd cases of Cuban cigars.

Alec had seen them beating up on the scrawny guy who had been trying but failing to fight back and had gone to the rescue…after overhearing who he was. Anyways, Isaiah had given him good info ever since, and Alec always headed to him before buying or selling on the markets.

Alec smirked to himself as he shut the apartment door. Picking up money playing pool at Crash could be a very nice way to supplement his black market business. Whether or not Jondy would approve was another story. She hadn't said anything about him selling steroids or medical-use marijuana, but he could tell she didn't like it from the looks she would give the packages when he brought them in.

Alec had stopped selling andy a few days ago, mainly because he didn't want to deal with those Steelheads again. It wasn't worth the effort, especially when he could get just as much or more money for selling those Pre-Pulse furry boots to underground fashion markets. People loved going retro, so they wanted those shoes, and Alec was happy to provide everyone with the ugly shoes for a not too outrageous price. He had brought a pair home for Jondy last night, and she had burst out laughing and told him thanks, but she was good. For some reason, the fuzzy fake fur hadn't sent her into hysterical squeals of joy like it seemed to with everyone at the fashion markets. Thank God.

Speaking of Jondy, the female transgenic was supposed to be at work by now, but he could hear her shower running. She hadn't mentioned taking any time off this morning at breakfast…maybe she had decided on a spontaneous mental health day. Whatever, the woman could take a shower whenever she felt like it, it wasn't his job to tell her when to go to work.

Alec wandered into the kitchen in search of something to munch on before he settled down in front of the TV for a while. He'd probably watch reruns from one of those old, Pre-Pulse crime shows where everyone was obsessed with one-liners or, out of sheer boredom, catch Season 31 of American Idol. He'd heard from one of the people at Crash the other night that American Idol used to break up its seasons instead of running continuously from one to the other like it did now.

He noticed that the jug of milk was out on the counter, lying on its side as if was thrown there. It was empty, which was good because otherwise it would've been spilling everywhere. That was weird. Jondy normally demanded that the kitchen be kept at a pretty high level of clean, even when the rest of the apartment was in disarray. Whatever, maybe she had been in a hurry…to get to the shower. Alec shook his head. Sometimes there was just no reason to try to understand Jondy.

After snatching a jar of guacamole and a jumbo bag of Juan's Spicy Senorita chips, he retreated to the couch and flopped down on it. Before Alec had taken up residence, Jondy had had a weak, hulking TV from 2002; good, if you were from the Middle Ages. Alec had been quick to snag a flatscreen from some swanky flat in Sector 6. If he had to suffer with bad cable, he was going to suffer in style.

When he turned on the TV with a click of the remote, it was on that new ghost-hunter show. It was something about people traveling across the country looking for signs of "the spiritual world" and ghosts and werewolves and stuff, all sorts of crap. Alec thought it was hilarious, especially when the people on the show got so freaked out when they had to stay in "haunted" houses. Snickering already, Alec hunkered down, popped the lid off the guacamole and started the demolition process. This bag had to be eaten by the end of tonight because, huh, because it was his duty as a male newly freed from food restrictions to eat the entire thing. Up yours, Manticore.

* * *

By the time the hour long episode ended, Alec had gotten through two thirds of the bag. He would've managed better than that, but half-way through the show, he had needed a different taste and a drink, so he had snagged a couple leftover brownies from the batch Jondy had baked last night for no reason that he knew of and grabbed soda from the fridge since they were out of milk.

Alec looked toward Jondy's room. She hadn't finished her shower yet. It had been almost an hour, and he could still hear the shower running. Normally he wouldn't think anything of it, girls liked long showers, but their water heater had started dying earlier in the week and it was now pretty much useless. So Jondy was taking a cold shower, which he knew she didn't like those because she had cursed out the water heater in various languages multiple times over the last few days. There was also the fact that, truthfully, there wasn't much of Jondy to wash. She was short and pretty slim. There wasn't much need for her to take an hour in a cold shower in October to wash up when she could accomplish the same task in about five minutes.

Grabbing the bag of chips and tucking it into the crook of his arm, Alec headed toward Jondy's room, munching idly on one of the chips. He knocked on her door, knowing she would hear him. "Hey, I'm gonna eat all the guacamole and chips. And the chips are the Juan kind." He expected some smart comment about how he was going to get fat if he kept eating the way he did, but there was nothing, just the sound of water hitting the hard plastic bottom of Jondy's shower-tub combo. Alec frowned. What was up with her?

He knocked on her door again, harder this time. "Jonds, I'm not kidding, I'll really gonna finish these without you." He thought that would get some kind of comment out of her since she actually did like the chips, but she stayed silent.

Could she really have been in such of a hurry that she left her shower on? That didn't seem like her.

Alec left the chips on the table beside the door and let himself into her room. Her day clothes, a pair of blue jeans and a light blue sweater, were discarded on the floor, but the black knee-high leather boots he knew she always wore to AlleyCat's, which was her club tonight, were beside the bed. The room smelled different too, like Jondy, but something…the scent wasn't right. The bathroom door was mostly closed but a bit of light was coming through the open crack. "Hey, are you in there?"

There was a whimper, and he picked up the sound of something tapping lightly and irregularly on the hard plastic bottom of the tub. What the hell was that?

Without thinking, Alec pushed open the door and stepped into the bathroom. The shower was running, but the old, blue shower curtain hadn't been closed. The floor around the shower was soaked, puddles forming on smooth, dark blue tiles. The tips of a pair of shaking feet in AlleyCat uniform fishnet stockings were sticking out from behind the shower curtain, tapping on the floor of the tub at random whenever they jerked.

He pushed back the rest of the shower curtain to find Jondy huddled at the back of the bathtub, her arms locked around her legs, her chin pressed tight to her kneecaps, her eyes half shut. She was wearing her AlleyCat outfit, which was the fishnets, a black miniskirt and a red halter top, but it was all soaked through by the bitterly cold water that was shooting from the showerhead.

And she was shaking. Violently shaking.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel or any of the recognizable characters or places. So no owning Jondy or Alec, though that'd be fun! ^_^ Season Two would've been very different, though... ^_~

A/N: Set a few days after "Two." Thanks for all the awesome reviews, y'all rock!! ^_^

**So Insecure**

_Discomfort, endlessly has pulled  
Itself upon me distracting, reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It's haunting how I can't seem  
To find myself again_

_-"Crawling"_ by Linkin Park

Alec's stomach twisted with realization and shock.

"God, Jondy," he said, reaching over and turning off the shower before snatching a towel off the rack. He knelt down beside the bathtub and put the towel over Jondy's shoulders, rubbing vigorously to try and get her warm again.

She tilted her head so her left cheek was resting on her arms and looked up at him. There were dark purple circles underneath her pained blue eyes. "No, A-Alec, I li-li-like it on."

"You're going to freeze like that," Alec said, running the towel over her arms before putting it around her jerking shoulders again.

"Felt g-good," she said haltingly, not moving to grab the ends of the towel.

"That's a lie," Alec said, "And you knew it wasn't helping."

"Y-you're an e-ec-expert?" she asked, her eyes narrowing. Of course Jondy would be argumentative right now. Why should he have expected anything else?

"I'm not fighting with you right now." Alec got up from where he had been kneeling next to the tub and started looking through the cabinets. It seemed like Jondy had had the same idea earlier because the medicine cabinet was already open and half its contents were in the sink or scattered on the floor. Still, Alec had to look again and hope she had missed the pill bottle he knew should be there. "Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, more concerned than angry.

"N-none left," she managed to spit out, "I ran out. And you-you didn't n-need to kn-n-n-ow I'm b-broken."

Frustrated, Alec slammed the medicine cabinet door and turned back toward her. "Don't wax poetic with me," he said, "You should've told me you were a shaker."

"What f-for?" Jondy said, glancing up at him with her shadowed eyes, "I don't make you t-tell me about all y-your f-f-faults."

"Mine aren't potentially lethal," he snapped right back.

"In y-your opin-inion," Jondy retorted, forcing a mulish tone into her weak voice. At least she still had enough energy to fight with him. If she just let him steamroll over her, he would've been afraid she really was dying.

He grabbed another towel and sat down on the side of the bathtub. "You look like hell."

"Are y-you one of th-th-those people who insult o-other people when th-th-they're worried about th-them?" She managed something that looked reminiscent of a smile.

He ignored the comment, not really having an answer to the question, and handed her the towel. She reached out to take it from him, but her arm shook too much. Dropping her arm, she curled back up in the tub, exhaustion and humiliation in her eyes. "I n-need tryptophan."

"No, really?" Alec rubbed his hand across his face before putting the towel over her legs. "What happened to your stash?" Seeing Jondy like this was unnerving, and he was pissed that she hadn't told him she was running out of tryptophan earlier. He could've gotten it from any number of places, and they could've stocked up. From what he could tell, she was pretty far into a fit of seizures, but at least she wasn't delusional or unconscious yet. He'd seen kids back at Manticore with the same problem before the white-coats had come up with some kind of implant that regularly released serotonin. It had worked for most of them, and the rest… "When did you run out?"

Her shaking settled down enough for her to talk without stuttering. "Day before yesterday. I thought I'd be okay until today." She seemed to be thinking clearer now, at least. She ran her trembling hand down the side of the tub. "My supplier only sells on certain days, and I knew he'd keep some for me, but I never got there. So, here we are..." She gave a pitiful laugh. "Didn't you always want to see me in the tub?"

"Yeah, but in those fantasies your clothes are off," he said, leaning back against the wall.

"Maybe next time," she huffed.

There was a stretch of silence while Jondy stared at the drain in the bottom of the tub and Alec stared at Jondy. She looked so vulnerable right now…

"You should've told me." The words came out gentler than he had intended. He wanted to berate her, to dress her down with some sort of lecture so she never did something this stupid again. Goofy stupid was okay, but this was dangerous stupid, and he wouldn't have that from her. He could've got tryptophan for her, and she wouldn't be huddled in the bathtub, soaking wet because somehow she thought the cold water was good for her. Maybe she was delusional. The thought didn't comfort him.

"Sorry, Alec, I didn't feel like airing my dirty laundry," she said, turning her stare into a frown as she looked at him. She grabbed the edge of the tub and with a great show of spontaneous stubborn effort, started to stand up. Her legs didn't want to cooperate though, and she nearly tore the shower curtain off its pole when she made a wild grab for it as she fell backwards.

Alec moved fast and caught her before she landed, holding her against his chest with one arm while he braced himself against the wall with his other, regaining his own balance and hers. The water from her clothes soaked his immediately. It was definitely cold water.

"Damn it," Jondy muttered, but instead of shoving away from him, she relaxed and pressed her face into his chest. He could feel her short, shallow breaths through his t-shirt as the shaking got worse again. He rubbed her shoulders, wanting to comfort her somehow. Manticore hadn't trained him for this.

"Hey, it's going to be okay," he said even though he knew she needed more than words, "You're going to get through this, all right?" He was going to make her get through it.

Alec wasn't exactly sure what to do, but a plan of action was forming. He had to take care of Jondy, and what she really needed was tryptophan. He could get that, but it meant leaving her alone like this, and that wasn't something he exactly wanted to do, not when the shakes were this bad. He'd seen it this bad with a kid in his unit once. They had been in the gym, working on martial arts combos, and 829 had started convulsing and then they took her away. They didn't bring her back.

He knocked his mindset halfway into military mode so he could think about the situation clearly. "Come on," he said, stepping out of the tub and pulling her with him, "Not that I don't like the outfit, but you need to get out of those clothes."

She made a noise that was somewhere in-between a laugh and sob. "I knew you'd—say something like—that."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel or any of the recognizable characters or places. So no owning Jondy or Alec, though that'd be fun! ^_^ Season Two would've been very different, though... ^_~

A/N: Set a few days after "Two." Thanks for all the awesome reviews, y'all rock! ^_^

**So Insecure**

_My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence)  
(I'm convinced that there's)  
(Just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before so insecure_

_-"Crawling"_ by Linkin Park

Alec would've picked Jondy up, but he had a feeling she wouldn't like that, so instead he put his arm around her waist and halfway steered and halfway carried her into her bedroom to preserve her pride. Her feet were dragging, but she was making some effort to propel herself along, her teeth gritted. Alec had known her long enough to realize that Jondy was a stubborn ass sometimes.

When they reached her bed, she dropped down onto the thick coverlet and curled up on her side, her arms automatically going around her knees. Water soaked the bed-set immediately, but she didn't seem to care. Damn it, that wasn't good.

Alec wished her could just hold her and make all this go away or snap his fingers and make her better, but that wasn't going to help her. He needed to act. Do something. Manticore had taught him to take command and now he needed to put those hard-learned skills to good use.

He walked over to her bureau in the corner and opened it, knowing she had to keep her pajamas or sweatpants in there somewhere. There was no way she was going out to work tonight, and she needed to get out of those clothes. He was supposed to be the reckless one. Jondy was supposed to be the responsible one, but it seemed like when it came to her own wellbeing, she lost her inherent practicality.

On another day during a different situation, he probably would have been tempted to linger in her underwear drawer, which happened to be the third drawer he found, but today he had a purpose and it wasn't panty-raiding. Snatching a t-shirt and a pair of loose pants from the next drawer, he tossed them over to Jondy.

She looked…bad. Her face was pale, almost white, and she was still trembling. If X5s could get sick, then that's how Alec would have labeled her. He knew it wouldn't be long before another fit of full on shaking hit and reduced her to something akin to having a seizure. She had to have tryptophan. Now.

"This isn't a strip show," she said as she started to pull at her soaked clothes with sluggish movements.

"Wouldn't be a good one, anyway," he said as he stepped toward her, "I like my strippers well and perky."

Jondy snorted and then groaned as she yanked at her shirt. "Damn it…"

Alec stepped toward and before she could stop him, he had pulled her shirt off and turned back around, pretending he hadn't done anything. He couldn't help but notice that her skin was flawless but much too pale. "Are you completely sure there's no—"

"There's none." There was the squelch of more wet clothes coming off and being tossed onto the floor. "I used it all, I was stupid."

"I'd say first for everything, but that doesn't really apply," he said, trying to bring in some lightheartedness.

When he turned around, Jondy was on her knees in the middle of her bed, situating her shirt. She looked up at him with tired blue eyes, like all the spark had been drained out of her, and that freaked him out almost worse than finding her crouched in the shower getting frozen. "Yeah, I've done a lot of stupid stuff."

"I think not telling me about this ranks up high on the list."

"Didn't know we were ranking them," she said as she shuddered. She had looked a little better after getting out of her wet clothes, but now she was paling, her face turning white and dark around her eyes. Her hands rested limply in her lap, one over the over, and she bowed her head over them, shoulders slumped. Jondy looked exhausted, which was perhaps the weirdest damn thing for her since she had shark DNA and almost never slept.

"Jonds, where does your supplier work?" Alec asked as he headed toward the door, pausing to look back at her.

"Couple blocks over, on Freedmont Street," she replied quietly. She curled up in a circle on the bed and rubbed at her face. "Why?"

"Because I'm going to go find him." He went into the living room and then headed for the coat rack. There was quiet scrambling behind him and bare feet padded awkwardly after him.

"The hell?" Jondy asked, but it didn't sound very powerful when she was just whispering, "Alec, you can't, _she _doesn't even know you and she doesn't supply without references."

"Then reference me," Alec said. He grabbed his jacket, but she almost snatched it back out of his hands. She probably would have if she had had more strength than a human kindergartener. Or at last made a better attempt…

"I can't, I'd have to go with you," she said, "That's the way she works. She used to be a pharmacist, pre-Pulse." Jondy tugged on the jacket. "She doesn't want her drugs falling into the wrong hands."

"Misplaced nobility," Alec said, rolling his eyes. "Don't worry, I'll talk to her, explain things—"

"No, you'll intimidate her!" She pulled again at the jacket and then stumbled, collapsing against the door.

Alec snatched her up and pulled her against his chest before she could hit the floor. She was starting to shake again, little tremors going through her slender, small body. This time, he scooped her up, one arm under her back and the other under her knees, and walked over to the couch.

"Jondy, I'm not going to fight with you about this," he said as he gently set her down. He grabbed a blanket from where it was bunched up in the corner of the couch and covered her with it. "Tell me her name, maybe that'll help."

She stared at him for a moment, but he stared right back. Even if she didn't tell him, he was going, and she seemed to realize that. "Eloise Termane."

"Good," Alec said, "I'll tell her you sent me." Leaning over her, he kissed her on the cheek. "Be a good girl and shut up and rest while I'm gone. It won't be long."

"Alec…" She caught his hand as he turned to leave and squeezed. "Thank you."

He grinned at her, trying to look more optimistic than he felt. "Hey, what're free-loading apartment-mates for?"

He left, closing the door behind him before he could look back and second-guess this decision. He had to go, even if It left her alone and vulnerable. He wished he could tell one of the neighbors to keep an eye on her for him, but he wasn't that trusting; any of these supposedly good people could turn on him and Jondy in a instant if they knew who and what they were and just how much they could get for turning them in.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel or any of the recognizable characters or places. So no owning Jondy or Alec, though that'd be fun! ^_^ Season Two would've been very different, though... ^_~

A/N: Set a few days after "Two." Thanks for all the reviews, everyone, I love them all!

**So Insecure**

_Without a sense of confidence _

_I'm convinced that there's just  
too much pressure to take.  
I felt this way before,  
so insecure._

_-"Crawling"_ by Linkin Park

Instead of heading for the stairs that would lead him to the front door, Alec headed straight back toward the window at the end of the hallway. Usually he eavesdropped on his fellow apartment building dwellers out of habit (every bit of information was important information according to Manticore), but tonight he ignored the sounds and smells pouring out from under the other doors. He was single-minded, focused on his main objective of getting those pills before Jondy got any worse.

When he reached the window, he jerked it open, ruining the old sloppy paint job that had sealed it shut. The coolness poured in, but Alec was unaffected. He was built to endure worse temperatures than this, and having spent most of his childhood in frozen forests and cold, sterile environments, the Seattle night wasn't anything special. Still, for show he threw on his jacket and climbed through the window, lithe and silent so as not to disturb his neighbors. Of course, most of them were stoned or sinking to the bottom of a bottle, so he wasn't too concerned.

The fire escape was old, and it creaked ominously with his weight, but he didn't stay on any level long enough to overstress it. Like a gymnast, he swung over the first bar and dropped to the next, repeating the action until he was at street level. Although it was more dramatic, this exit had actually taken less time than if he had gone through the front door. Here, he could put his transgenic abilities to use without worrying if someone was watching. The building opposite showed only a brick wall, no windows.

Alec pulled the collar of his jacket up higher, hiding his barcode, and blurred to the street. Freedmont Street wasn't far from here, but there was the possibility that Jondy's supplier wouldn't be there. If she wasn't, Alec wasn't exactly sure where he would go. Max might've been a possibility since he knew where she lived now (Jam Pony personnel files were very easy to get into when you were buddy-buddy with the boss), but since he didn't know if she had ever had the seizures problem. Even if she had, Manticore would've given her the implant during her summer camp-out at the facility and she probably wouldn't have kept any extra tryptophan lying around.

Damn, thinking about Max reminded him of information he was keeping from Jondy. He had been blocking it out, not really wanting to think about it, but now it surfaced as he walked toward Freedmont Street. Running would draw too much attention to himself at this time of night in this part of town, and he didn't want the hovering security droids coming after him.

After getting his job at Jam Pony, sneaking into Normal's files had been easy, like administering heavy fire on a pack of mindless grunts. Sure, he could've just tailed Max back to her apartment, but she might've noticed him and then how would he explain the stalking adequately? Oh, yeah, your sister's letting me stay in her apartment so I can help her find you because she's really busy working odd jobs at clubs and bars and I needed a place to stay? He could see that going over well, because, you know, Max loved him so much. But now he knew where she lived, and it hadn't cost him life and limb.

Giving the information to Jondy, though, might mean he was out of an apartment since Jondy would want to speed straight over to Max and have a reunion. Then they would talk about him, and Max would brainwash Jonds into understanding exactly what an ass he was, and then Jondy would kick him and probably refuse to talk to him anymore.

But maybe she wouldn't.

Jondy was different than anyone he had met before. He had told her about a lot of the awful things he had done, both in and out of Manticore, and she hadn't been repulsed by him. She hadn't even turned her nose up at him or assumed a holier-than-thou attitude. Hell, he had even told her about how he had almost killed Max and cost her a chance to be happy again, and she had taken that in stride. She hadn't liked it, but she hadn't screamed about how terrible he was. No, she treated him like…like a person.

Alec sucked in a tight breath of cold autumn air. A person. He couldn't remember anyone who knew what he was treating him like he was just another guy, another human taking up breathing space on this hunk of space waste. Rachel…His fists clenched. Rachel had liked him, had loved him, but when she found out that he wasn't what he said he was…He had seen it all over her face, the revulsion, the hate, the fear and betrayal. He didn't have to worry about that with Jondy—not that Jondy liked him like that! She couldn't, not with what he had done, but she still didn't think of him as a monster. But Jondy knew that he didn't have many principles and that he could kill a human with a toothpick, and she didn't hate him.

No, Jondy laid on the couch with him, her feet in his lap, and watched Godzilla marathons in the original Japanese. She tossed her lavender-scented hair and told him that he could be the amoral Indiana Jones to her short-ass version of Alice from something weird called Resident Evil that she told him she would show him when she found a copy. He could now make a roast beef dinner and knew that you needed to wait until a cake was cool to ice it because of her.

If he told her that he knew where Max lived, he might lose all of that, lose her, and he wasn't sure if he could do that just yet. Maybe it was selfish and she'd hate him for it later, but he couldn't...

Alec looked back at their apartment building and picked up the pace. He couldn't stand thinking about something happening to Jondy while he was trying to keep up appearances and not blur the whole way the Freedmont Street. Shit. He had forgotten to ask her the exact address. Hopefully there would be some kind of makeshift pharmacist sign or something.

He glanced down at his phone while he walked, wondering if she had texted him. No, nothing. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it meant she was fine. Or that she was shaking so bad she couldn't punch the buttons.

Speeding up, Alec turned onto Freedmont Street and started looking for anything pharmaceutical in nature. He didn't see anything immediately, so he turned to his other senses. He needed a medicinal smell, anything that smell strongly of Advil and penicillin and whatever else you would find in a pharmacy. After walking down the street a way, he picked up a faint smell of medicine.

Following it, he soon came to a nondescript door, just another spot on the wall, but this one had a green cross-thing over it, like a green medic cross. From what he could tell, that was the pharmacist symbol these days; he had seen it on a few other buildings.

Alec rapped on the door and listened intently as someone came to answer it. The door opened cautiously but caught on a heavy chain after moving only a few inches. A suspicious dark brown eye peered at him from over a short, caramel-colored nose.

"What do you want?"

"Tryptophan," he said bluntly, not really liking her tone. "All you have."

"Look, I don't even know you, and I don't know what you're talking about." She started to close the door.

He jammed his foot in the opening and almost popped the door off of its chain. "Shut up, please. Jondy sent me, and yes, you do." Putting his hand on the door, he leaned in closer. "Your name's Eloise Termane, you supply tryptophan to a blond woman about a head and a half shorter than me, and you're going to give me what you would've given her right now. Jondy would've come herself, but she's a little busy right now." He didn't know how much this woman knew about Jondy's condition, and he didn't want to give away anything that she hadn't.

The woman stopped trying to futilely push the door closed. Her expression changed to one of genuine concern. "Is it the seizures?" When he didn't answer, she nodded. "I understand. Wait a moment."

"I'll wait with the door open."

"Suit yourself," she said and moved off down a dimly lit hallway. Alec heard a little girl's voice asking her what was going on before the woman shushed her. He leaned against the door, wishing she would hurry up.

When she came back, she kept the door chained, but she handed him a large white bottle. "There. If she's still seizing when you get back, crumble some of the pills into a glass of milk and make her drink all of it. And I mean all of it." She frowned at him. "If it wasn't her…"

"I know. She has that effect on people." He took the bottle from her. "Thanks."

"She owes me fifty dollars," Termane said. Those hard, dark eyes softened for a moment. "Take care of her."

"I will."

He removed his foot from the door, and it was immediately slammed in his face. Jondy kept the oddest company…

* * *

**A/N: ** I've opened a blog! It's on Livejournal under the name **stratagem22**. The journal is called **The Plan**, and the link is in my profile, under my homepage and in my info. I'm been keeping up with what I'm working on and current story ideas and my NaNoWriMo count, so check it out! I think I'm going to start featuring previews of my chapters. Also, I have baby guinea pigs and sometimes I put up pics of them. ^_~ Some of my OC characters will get pics put up every now and then and you're welcome to yell at me to update, so check it out!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel or any of the recognizable characters or places. So no owning Jondy or Alec, though that'd be fun! ^_^ Season Two would've been very different, though... ^_~

A/N: Set a few days after "Two." Thanks for all the reviews, everyone, I love them all!

**So Insecure**

_Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
Distracting, reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It's haunting how I can't seem... _

_-"Crawling"_ by Linkin Park

Alec had had enough of caution. He blurred back to the apartment and up the fire escape, trusting the Ordinaries to convince themselves they were just confused or seeing things. A tall, handsome fellow with devilishly good physical structure hadn't just run past them faster than their eyes could track. He didn't have the time to waste, and Ordinaries didn't want to see things that didn't fit into their world view anyways. It was like that wizard movie where the bus could get away with being loud and obnoxious because the stupid humans were too blind to see past their own noses.

Luckily none of the neighbors came out to bother him, and he made the last leg to the apartment without being hassled. The door opened when he touched it; it seemed that Jondy hadn't bothered to lock it after he had left.

She was on the couch, right where he had left her, curled up in a tight ball with her face pressed into a pillow. Instead of shaking, she was trembling, jerking every so often as he walked toward her. He didn't know if she was unconscious or asleep, but he was hoping for the latter as worry clenched his chest uncomfortably. He popped open the bottle of pills as he knelt down next to the couch.

"Jonds," he said quietly. When she didn't respond, he raised his voice and dropped the lid to shake her shoulder. "Jondy. Jondy!"

"Wha…" She lifted her head and cracked open her blue eyes to half-heartedly glare at him before she rolled over to bury her head in the couch cushions. Sweat was beading on her forehead, and her skin was warm to his touch. She mumbled something else but whatever the scathing, witty sting was, it was lost on the deaf cushions.

"Look, woman, I didn't take a walk all the way over to Freedmont Street in the cold for you to not take these pills," he said, hoping the humor and goading would make her retaliate or at least stir against him. No luck. She shuddered and burrowed farther into the cushions, narrow shoulders curled in on herself. Narrowing his eyes, he set the bottle down on the coffee table and stood up, one hand on the couch. "Don't think I'm done with you yet," he said roughly, contrasting the gentle way he brushed his hand over her damp, matted blond hair.

Snatching up the bottle again, he walked over to the kitchen and pried open the fridge. Milk, milk, where'd she put it this time… He should've given her some before he had left, but he had been intently focused at that point of time. Tossing a few nonessentials out of the fridge, he finally located the milk behind a Tupperware container of leftover fried chicken and rice and gravy. They had had a Southern-cooked meal back on Sunday, and he had learned that Jondy had spent a couple years in Georgia with a foster family.

Jondy's life was scattered and weird, but he was piecing the bits of it together over dinners and lunches and idle times spent in the living room. Up until she was nine their experiences were similar, but then they diverged wildly. While he had been learning to slice arteries and speak Mandarin, she had been running through the states, sometimes alone and sometimes with one of her fellow escapees. Still, even if it hadn't been a stable life, she talked about it with zeal and harbored a passion for the freedom that was a theme throughout it.

He snatched a coffee mug from the drying rack and splashed milk into it before shaking four or five or the tryptophan pills into his hand. The doctor hadn't said how many he should give her, which was a stupid elimination of information on her part. And she was supposedly a pharmacist in another life. Damn, he hoped he didn't kill her while trying to medicate her. The thought made him clench his fists, effectively crumbling the pills into dust. He wasn't going to kill her. The pills would stop the shakes and maybe let her get some rest. They would make her better, he had to believe that. He wouldn't think of any alternatives.

After he dropped the tryptophan dust into the milk and stirred it all together, he went back to the couch. Jondy had started shaking worse, almost to the point where the shakes could be called seizures. Alec frowned fiercely and put the mug down.

"Jondy." There was no full name to call her by, like angry, frustrated people called each other on TV.

Alec bent over and cautiously flipped her onto her back over before picking her up. He turned around and sat on the couch, cradling her in his lap, supporting her in his arms. She mumbled weakly in protest but didn't try to get away. He would never admit how much it freaked him out to see her so defenseless and vulnerable; it wouldn't do her any good, anyways. "Hey, come on, open your eyes," he said, shaking her a little, "I need you to wake up a little for me."

Her eyes opened, little blue slits of confusion and delirium. She flicked them back and forth before settling on his face. "Al…?"

"With an 'ec' on the end, and good morning, sunshine," he said, though the sarcastic words weren't nearly as biting as they might've been. He stroked her hair out of her face and jostled her carefully into a better position in his arms. If she had been feeling better and consented to being held like this, he might have thought about how her tiny figure fit perfectly there in his arms and how good it felt to hold her. She still smelled like lavender, as if she had soaked the scent into her skin a long time ago and even sickness couldn't drive it out.

He picked up the mug of milk and held it to her lips. "Drink this. Promise you'll feel better." Whether he was promising her or if he wanted her to promise him, he wasn't entirely sure, but he hoped it sounded reassuring to her, no matter what.

Thankfully, she didn't refuse, and after the first couple tentative sips, she lifted her trembling hands and held onto the mug. She downed most of it and then pushed it away, taking massive gulps of air. Alec quickly put the mug down and hauled her upright, nestling her between his side and his arm. The shaking had stopped, and she lay limply against him, her head resting against his shoulder. Worried to move her too much, he stayed still, content with the fact that she was probably in the clear.

After a long while, Alec felt her stir a fraction, picking at something on his arm. He leaned over and peered into her face, wondering if she was awake or starting to shake again. God help him, if she was shaking, he was going to force a liter of tryptophan-infused milk down her throat. She looked back at him with a tired but comprehending gaze that looked out from a paper-white face.

"Mmm, you've got a hole in your jacket," she mumbled. He was suddenly aware that her pointer finger was poked through a small hole of the arm of his jacket. He had probably snagged it on the fire escape or something. "Remind me to fix it so you don't look so much like a hobo."

Laughing silently, he shook his head and bumped his forehead softly against the side of her head. He let his head rest on hers for a moment, breathing against her hair. "Could you even lift a needle right now?"

"Not now," she said, "Later. Too tired now." She lifted her head from under his and kissed his cheek. Warmth radiated across his skin at the tender touch. "Thanks, Alec. For helping me."

Sighing, he held her closer, tighter, secure in knowing she would be okay now. She was his one mainstay in life outside of Manticore, this little renegade 09er roommate of a few weeks. He was sort of disturbed by how attached he had gotten after such a short time, but…there was no helping it. He lifted a thick lock of hair away from her eyes and smirked down at her. "You're welcome, Jondy. Now go to sleep. You look like death warmed over."

"So eloquent with your stolen phrases," she teased, but her yawn caught her, and she settled against him without arguing.

Maybe he would tell her about Max tomorrow. Tomorrow it might be okay. For now, though, he held her while she drifted off, her arm curled around his, his other arm secure around her waist. Yeah, he'd tell her about Max. Later.

**A/N:** **And finished!** Maybe he'll tell Jondy about Max in the next story, lol, if he can make himself do it. We'll see! :)


End file.
